This photo was inspired by the image below. I have fallen in love with hot, herbal teas. I read “The secret to a well balanced life is a cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other,” …. thought, “who knew I was well balanced?”Lol, debatable for sure, good to know. So I snapped my tea on top and surrounded by all the books I am currently reading. Yep, always a work of fiction as well as several non fiction pieces. Well balanced, well… cup of tea is for sure!
Enjoy, a cup of tea, great read and balance, knowing you are well balanced or your tea is. Love to all!
Today is a day of reflection, my baby is 21. Wow, how time flies. I remember the day he was born. My eldest was five, I was 31, married, just moved into our dream home that we had built, life looked great. Looked is the opportune word here. On the outside our life looked great on the inside it was falling about, we were in ruins.
No regrets. Looking into the eyes of my newborn, no regrets, life is good. Birth was difficult, what I learned alone in the hours following was how to pray, to lean into a God who never fails, loves and is there in the darkest of hours. The nurses were concerned with my baby as he was lethargic, they threw around terms that were terrifying for an educator, young mother. He had a heart murmur, seemingly low muscle tone… I asked to hold him, when holding him I prayed like I had never prayed before.
The next day the pediatrician came in and instructed me not to worry. To take him home, monitor him, love him and come visit her again in six weeks. “Let’s give him the gift of time,” I remember her saying, he has been through a lot, he is a big baby and had to enter this world. We took him home. I nursed him, held him and prayed like never before. His murmur closed up, his low muscle tone was never an issue and nope he had no other ramifications. You could say it is just because. I know it is because of a God who heard a mama’s prayers. This imperfect mama. Nothing perfect about me nor the days ahead.
When that baby boy was four I divorced his dad. Terrified I became a single mom of two amazing young men. What a shit show, lol. Language may seem rough but there is not a nice way to say it. Life for a long time was just ugly, dark but we made it. Now on the other side, still imperfect but on the other side. Reflecting on the heartache, growing pains, wouldn’t trade it, we are tough, resilient, thankful for all the lessons, love, knowing. We made it. Love my guys, life, imperfect though it is, we have life, we are here, alive, thriving.
Today, what a gift. My baby is 21, finishing his junior year of college. Has an internship beginning in May, on track to graduate May 2022. My eldest, mutual fund accountant, is moving into a new apartment. I am editing my dissertation, final chapter written, first draft almost submissible. We have all lived through and so far survived a global pandemic, divorce, many ups, many downs, successes, missteps…life. Stronger because of each one, moving forward, learning, loving, growing. Life, never easy, never perfect yet we are here, thriving, living, blessed beyond measure. Imperfect, alive, thriving. What I know for sure:
Prayer works
Darkness does not last forever (motto from first pregnancy: this too shall pass..applied to many a day)
Change happens whether we like it, are ready for it or not
Life is good, celebrate today, each moment, each breath is a gift!
Love to all! You got this, today and always. Enjoy the ride.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23
This morning on the way to work the sunrise was glorious. I had to capture it so I could revisit on the gloomy, dark days (which seem to be in abundance right now). Thankful for the spring rain, colors and promise of new life today. These promises, colors and air make my steps lighter. Thankful for all that is. May you, your day be blessed! Love to all!
This year the candle was my cake, loved the aroma and lit it with each meal.
It was a celebration, enough.
December 20, 2020 marked the celebration of fifty two revolutions around the sun. Today I am embarking on my fifty third revolution around the sun. I love this visual and as a fourth grade educator we would enact it, balls, flashlights and walks around the sun. Discussing the difference between a rotation, twenty four hours and a revolution, three hundred sixty five days. Big difference. Fun activity and enlightening for fourth graders.
2020 was quite a revolution, life altering and revelatory for sure. Learning to live and thrive in isolation, virtually connect, educate, difficult yet doable. Norms changed, we changed, I changed. What wonderful resiliant beings we are!
Max stuck under chair in office
July 2020
At the beginning of the 2020 revolution I felt like Max stuck under my office chair. I was unable to get out, needed help. I tried to get up, change bad habits yet was stuck in this overweight, unhealthy state. 225.8 lbs of stuck, unthealthy habits, foggy brain, unhappiness, each time I tried to stand, crawl out I was knocked down. Yes, I laughed at Max’s stupidity when I found him after a few minutes of wondering, listening to his struggle. Gently, lovingly grabbing hold of his collar and leading him out from under the chair. He happily bounded off to his next adventure. For me, Bright Line Eating, founded by Dr. Susan Pierce Thompson was that simple lifeline that pulled me out of the darkness. My sister shared the 14 day challenge with me. I began June 21 and have not looked back, 67.4 lbs released and so much more.
This revolution has led me to an awakening, peace of mind. With the simple edits of no sugar, no flour, three meals a day, I am forever changed. Simple, some days, struggles other days. Would have to say the struggles are less each day as I settle into my right sized body and lifestye. As I lit my birthday candle and ate my BL breakfast I was filled with profound gratitude for all I have gained this year. The candle was enough, going out with my family I thought would be challenge, it wasn’t. I ordered salmon, salad and veggies which was wonderful, seltzer water with lime for my drink. Yes, they brought out a birthday dessert, which they ate. We chatted about books, life, our kids, them never once did I feel deprived or sad. I loved that they were able to eat my NMF (not my food). I was able to celebrate, listen and enjoy a meal with them. Other celebration and focused activites were: phone calls from my son’s, virtual concert with my sister, phone call hour conversation with my niece, yoga, run, great read and movie.
I was anxious about my first birthday celebration withouth sugar, flour, eating only three meals. While life is not without it’s challenges (eldest son battling COVID with the addition of STREP and anxiety), one son traveling home. Devotions, yoga and running, setting daily intentions, gratitude journal made this birthday celebration beautiful. Life is good, better than good. Living without meds for high cholestral, blood pressure, no longer being prediabetic, inflamation gone from joints all benefits of a sugar, flour free lifestyle. Truly, blessed beyond measure, filled with profound gratitude for all that is.
Dec. 19,2020
On to the 2021 trip around the sun, excited, full of expectations as to what lies ahead!
Love to all, may your year, day be blessed with joy, love and light!
As a reading specialist I meet with over thirty students of low socio economic means a day in small groups. Thirty minute focused, intentional small reading groups (one to three students a group). They have been identified as the lowest twenty percent of each grade level, those who are academically challenged readers. Each group, each day begins with this simple question (after a woo hoo, welcome, so glad you are here) it is, “What is good about you today?” Good, bad, ugly anything you want me to know? Conversation:
Day 1:
So what is good about you today?
Um, I don’t know.
My good is you are here, you got online, showed up, ready to work?
Yep.
Day 2:
Woo hoo! You showed up, so glad you are here. What is good about you today?
Um, nothing. I don’t know.
My good is you are here, you got online, showed up, ready to work?
yep
Day ?:
Woo hoo! You showed up, so glad you are here. What is good about you today?
I am here. I woke up, ready to work.
Last night I played video games,
went to the store with my mom, ate dinner.
Wow, I am so glad you had a good night,
so glad you are here. You are fabulous.
Ready to work?
Yep.
I love each and every reader. Working with them is an honor, so glad they show up, love when they start to see the good. Seeing the good opens the windows to their soul, allows them to settle in, work, learn, grow.
Last night one of my readers messaged me. Our conversation:
Sorry I have missed the last couple days,
our wifi was down.
It’s on now.
I will see you tomorrow….
My response:
So glad you are ok.
Thanks for messaging me,
missed you.
Took us a lot of days, actual loud, I don’t knows. Until … the good was found, a cat, a flower, wifi…. Now messages when not able to show up, whew, progress, gonna be better than ok. I know life sucks, a lot. Life is hard, especially in a pandemic. For each and every one of us. Yet there is good all around, in us, even on the sucky days. When we find it, acknowledge it, it compounds, opens us up to more goodness.
Yep, it does.
What is your good today? Mine is, you read my words, you are here on this planet, alive. May your day be blessed. May you know how wonderful, beautiful, and what a masterpiece you are.
Five dollar pointsetta and candles lit brings cozy to my bedroom each night.
Pomegranite seeds, so much color, joy and beauty in one fruit. The process of seperating seeds…. love the process of scooping, cleaning the seeds.So much beauty, bounty for the week.
This year has been long, challenging. I am not going to lie the struggles have been real. Yet, in all the challenges, struggles there has been good, learning, growth. The bad, dark, down moments,days have opened reservoirs of grace, light, good. Today, work is done for a few days. Virtual teaching, shut down until Monday. Whew, virtual teaching who knew one year ago, this would be our norm?
Who knew offices would be closed, homes would become sanctuaries, classrooms, offices while remaining homes.
Who knew our friend circles would become broader virtually, smaller in person.
Who knew the strength of our character, resilence of our spirit, fortitude of our days?
Who knew?
I certainly did not. I was in such denial that this would be our norm. On Friday, March 13. I sat at Maxies, our favorite bar, eating oysters, laughing, chatting with friends about the day. They were certain we were headed to lockdown, quarentine, shut down. I denied it all, this would never happen in our world. I have taught for 28 years, raised two boys, am a single mom, survivor. I have seen a lot of good and bad, shut down, happened rarely, never… Yet, while we were sitting there texts were received, news flowed from televisions behind the bar. Schools were closed, we were teaching virtually, our worlds forever changed. I stopped for toilet paper (honestly, I was out) on the way home blessed to get the last pack. A young man pulled it down and handed it to me, we laughed, we both were honestly out of TP. What was going on? Was this really happening we asked each other.
Entering this unknown world, led to stress, baking, cooking, eating, drinking for awhile. Until the realization that this new norm was either going to kill or transform. Watching, grieving the loss of lives, learning from those who passed on. Light began to enter the darkness. Weighing my heaviest ever 225.8 lbs. Feet, black with blisters from walking with friends for minute distances. I found Bright Line Eating, began on June 21, transforming, releasing 62 lbs for today’s weight of 163 lbs. Walking transformed into running, today I ran for 45 minutes. These are new norms, light coming from the darkness.
Yesterday was the final day of the first week of our return to 100% virtual teaching. What I witnessed was awe inspiring. As a reading specialist I work with a different group of struggling readers every 30 minutes (love each group, honored to work with each and every reader). In March few showed up, now every group is full, students showing up, reading. When entering our virtual classrooms to get students, teachers were there, classrooms full. Virtual thanksgiving celebrations occurring, virtual BINGO games, stories being read… kindergarten through grade eight. We are resilient, precious, amazing, awe inspiring humans. Darkness turning to light…
Yes, my final group is eighth graders. We read an article quizzing us on our Thanksgiving knowledge, laughing, learning together. When finished I shared some virtual read alouds about Thanksgiving, children’s literature that I had pulled together. When asked if they wished to finish a bit early or read together, they chose to read together, eighth graders. Awe inspiring.
Today, November 25, Thanksgiving Eve, I report 2020 did happen/is happening. It has been a challenging year and more. Our worlds have been turned upside down and inside out. Yet, I/we remain, alive, it tact, transformed, renewed, aware that life is a gift. What the future holds is uncertain, we will persevere, carry on. We are strong, resilient, gifted, talented, transformed striving to make sense of all that is.
Filled with profound gratitude, for all that is. Listening/rereading Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, a life changing study for me, I read for the first time a while ago. Today listening to her she stated this:
All life comes out of dark places,
Labor, children barrel out of the darkness of the womb,
life emerges
Darkness of the cross is transfigured into the light of salvation
Emptiness of the grave is transfigured into grace
Grace is darkness transfigured into light
God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of our lives into a beautiful symphony
While transformation does not happen overnight, is painful at times, seemingly dragging on forever. We have witnessed, will continue to witness, darkness turning to light. We are emerging better, stronger. This Thanksgiving is a gift, we are here, alive, thriving, striving, becoming, focusing, giving thanks for all that is, knowing when we find the good, give thanks, we let the light in. While uncertain of the future we can bear witness of darkness turning to light. Good emerging from the bad. We are stronger, better, here.
Love to all, may your days be filled with gratitude, love, grace, savoring each moment, finding grace in the darkness, transforming, loving, growing. We are here, if only for a moment, may we let the light in.
Transparency. This is me -59.6 lbs in my monumental jeans (30 lbs to go)
May not be a big deal for a lot of humans, for me the picture of me in these jeans is monumental. A little background. I was raised in Apostolic Pentecostalism. This is a very strict fundamentalist religion. As a female, child in this walk I was unable to wear pants as they were identified as “men’s clothing” with a lot of other rules as part of the “holiness standards”. I married at twenty one, became a mother at twenty five. My marriage, dating was unhealthy and we divorced when I was thirtyfour. While unhealthy, the blessing is my two wonderful sons. They are a gift, so living with no regrets. My core is God fearing, loving. I do not wish to cast blame or harm on this church or group, just sharing me, my experience giving background on the significance of this monumental “jean” moment.
June 2020
October 2020
The monumentalism of these jeans has been in the forefront of my mind the closer I have come to fitting into them. Since June, 2020 I have been on a journey releasing physical weight on Brightline Eating, in doing so I have begun examing different parts of me. This has been done through the readings of Boundaries for Your Soul; Cook, Miller, 2018 and currently Atomic Habits, Clear, 2018. These jeans were purchased in 2004, when I got into my right sized body for the first time in years, confronting issues within my marriage, standing up for myself and leaving my marriage.
In 2011 I was able to fit into these jeans again. I got into my right sized body, feeling my best for the first time since my divorce. I fell off a horse while riding with a friend and my youngest, broke my humerus, went through surgery, gaining all of my weight back yet obtaining my master’s degree, beginning the Phd journey.
What is a thought is that each of these shifts occurred first with return to my right sized body. While the scale is an indicator, these jeans represent my benchmark. When I fit into them I feel like I have come home, find myself, am empowered. Silly right? Until you read and begin to understand keystone behaviors or atomic habits how these shifts occur when we shift/change keystone/atomic habits.
In releasing my fifty-nine point six pounds people often ask me why it has happened now? What is the secret? Not knowing I have begun to research, seeking answers. What I have found, will continue to learn about is the shift of my keystone behaviors. I have shifted/changed these habits, thus shifting my paradigm. The evidence is going from a size fourteen, sixteen to a size six,eight, transformation of my house, work on the completions of my Phd, to name a few.
Moving forward I will continue to learn about this topic. It is fascinating to me. I also feel compelled to sustain this transformation. At each major shift in my life I have found empowerment when finding/returning to my right sized body, my jeans. My question becomes what will occur when I maintain/sustain this change? I am excited to find out. Feeling profound gratitude for this journey, learning and growing.
Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you, thoughts and insights… Love to all!
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