This Year…

This year has been long, challenging. I am not going to lie the struggles have been real. Yet, in all the challenges, struggles there has been good, learning, growth. The bad, dark, down moments,days have opened reservoirs of grace, light, good. Today, work is done for a few days. Virtual teaching, shut down until Monday. Whew, virtual teaching who knew one year ago, this would be our norm?

Who knew offices would be closed, homes would become sanctuaries, classrooms, offices while remaining homes.

Who knew our friend circles would become broader virtually, smaller in person.

Who knew the strength of our character, resilence of our spirit, fortitude of our days?

Who knew?

I certainly did not. I was in such denial that this would be our norm. On Friday, March 13. I sat at Maxies, our favorite bar, eating oysters, laughing, chatting with friends about the day. They were certain we were headed to lockdown, quarentine, shut down. I denied it all, this would never happen in our world. I have taught for 28 years, raised two boys, am a single mom, survivor. I have seen a lot of good and bad, shut down, happened rarely, never… Yet, while we were sitting there texts were received, news flowed from televisions behind the bar. Schools were closed, we were teaching virtually, our worlds forever changed. I stopped for toilet paper (honestly, I was out) on the way home blessed to get the last pack. A young man pulled it down and handed it to me, we laughed, we both were honestly out of TP. What was going on? Was this really happening we asked each other.

Entering this unknown world, led to stress, baking, cooking, eating, drinking for awhile. Until the realization that this new norm was either going to kill or transform. Watching, grieving the loss of lives, learning from those who passed on. Light began to enter the darkness. Weighing my heaviest ever 225.8 lbs. Feet, black with blisters from walking with friends for minute distances. I found Bright Line Eating, began on June 21, transforming, releasing 62 lbs for today’s weight of 163 lbs. Walking transformed into running, today I ran for 45 minutes. These are new norms, light coming from the darkness.

Yesterday was the final day of the first week of our return to 100% virtual teaching. What I witnessed was awe inspiring. As a reading specialist I work with a different group of struggling readers every 30 minutes (love each group, honored to work with each and every reader). In March few showed up, now every group is full, students showing up, reading. When entering our virtual classrooms to get students, teachers were there, classrooms full. Virtual thanksgiving celebrations occurring, virtual BINGO games, stories being read… kindergarten through grade eight. We are resilient, precious, amazing, awe inspiring humans. Darkness turning to light…

Yes, my final group is eighth graders. We read an article quizzing us on our Thanksgiving knowledge, laughing, learning together. When finished I shared some virtual read alouds about Thanksgiving, children’s literature that I had pulled together. When asked if they wished to finish a bit early or read together, they chose to read together, eighth graders. Awe inspiring.

Today, November 25, Thanksgiving Eve, I report 2020 did happen/is happening. It has been a challenging year and more. Our worlds have been turned upside down and inside out. Yet, I/we remain, alive, it tact, transformed, renewed, aware that life is a gift. What the future holds is uncertain, we will persevere, carry on. We are strong, resilient, gifted, talented, transformed striving to make sense of all that is.

Filled with profound gratitude, for all that is. Listening/rereading Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, a life changing study for me, I read for the first time a while ago. Today listening to her she stated this:

All life comes out of dark places,

Labor, children barrel out of the darkness of the womb,

life emerges

Darkness of the cross is transfigured into the light of salvation

Emptiness of the grave is transfigured into grace

Grace is darkness transfigured into light

God is patiently transfiguring all the notes of our lives into a beautiful symphony

While transformation does not happen overnight, is painful at times, seemingly dragging on forever. We have witnessed, will continue to witness, darkness turning to light. We are emerging better, stronger. This Thanksgiving is a gift, we are here, alive, thriving, striving, becoming, focusing, giving thanks for all that is, knowing when we find the good, give thanks, we let the light in. While uncertain of the future we can bear witness of darkness turning to light. Good emerging from the bad. We are stronger, better, here.

Love to all, may your days be filled with gratitude, love, grace, savoring each moment, finding grace in the darkness, transforming, loving, growing. We are here, if only for a moment, may we let the light in.