When I grow up I would like to be a pilot. At fifty two this is still a thought, one I say with a laugh. Traveling to Boston it was a constant thought. Walking through the airports, flying in planes, there is something magical about it. Whether in an aisle seat or by the window, suspended in the air for the duration of a flight is magical.
Looking out the windows viewing the mountains of clouds, the oceans of blue skies, broccoli trees, rooftops, magic. Each flight a little turbulance, whispered prayers and great conversations. Magic.
As one who has enjoyed being a waitress, serving in the air has always held mystic. In this COVID era service is pretzels and the magic of five beverages. Just hold up your number and walla your beverage appears. Until…
Coming home we flew through a storm. Lightening all around us, attendants offering beverages while the pilot rerouted us around the storm, after beverages he ordered the attendants to sit. Prior to this order on a bathroom break I noticed one attendant nervously standing looking out the window, phone in hand. Her angst palpable, the pilot his as well, we were in a storm.
Yeah, no longer dream career fantasy. Love flying, see the beauty in it, no longer longing for a career in aviation. The tangible threat of weather related death each flight with the added terrorist death threats to watch for… Respect, kudos and gratitude to every flight attendant, pilot,aviation specialist. Profound gratitude always felt when the tires hit the runway, this time a whew we made it with a new sense of awe for those who work in the industry. Also a new appreciation for a land career, I will enjoy being a passanger on flights, enjoy the beauty in the cloud formations, love moments suspended between heaven and earth, find magic in the clouds. The glimpse of angst cured the dream, thankful for the landing, flight and my land career. Forever thankful for those who choose aviation and make us comfortable in the air, land us… magic❣️
Every find a new author that you fall in love with? An author who takes you to another world, place so beautiful, so different you do not want to leave? That is what Jenny Colgan has done for me this summer. I discovered the Bookshop on the Corner went on adventures in a book van, so much fun. Found myself imagining life in a book van (wanting my own).
Then I discovered the Cupcake Cafe, moved on to the Little Beach Street Bakery series ending with The Cafe by the Sea series. These books were the perfect end to my summer reading. While quick, light reads the characters encountered hardship, living, thriving, loving making one cry and laugh often in the same sentence.
The settings were diverse, taking place in England, Scotland and the fantasy land of Mure. Magical settings with different landscapes that were fun to explore. Characters were well rounded, relatable. If you are needing a respite, laughter from your day to day, these books may speak to you, they have to me. While they may or may not be your cup of tea, for me they have refreshed my soul. With each ending, I wanted more. Thank God for Amazon. I was able to find the next one and read on quickly. Thank you Jenny Colgan.
What are feeding your soul with? What reads are you devouring? Often my days are filled with non fiction educational reads, I forget about fictional works. What an indulgence, sweet decadence it is to savor a new author, new adventures and lands. So much to read, so little time. Would love to hear what reads you are induldging on. Love to all!
Passing a car with a human, stuffed inside, looking uncomfortable. Shifty glances, eating, crumb covered. I remember ninety pounds ago. I was you.
My body ached, walking hurt, bladder hurt, heart hurt, blood pressure high, cholesterol high, energy low, spirit low, unhappy, ackward, feeling unlovable, difficulty focusing, avoiding, wishing to hide. I remember ninety pounds ago. I hurt.
Joyfully today I woke up, did my habit stacks, loved how I looked, less achy, clarity of mind, happy, peaceful. I remember ninety pounds ago. This wasn’t me.
Today life is better, life is good. I protect, cherish, embrace, nourish and celebrate this life. I will remember, when the going seems tough, ninety pounds ago it was tougher. All that I have released, all that I have gained. Pros outweigh the cons.
Truly I am living happy, thin, free, unstoppable. I remember ninety pounds ago, that wasn’t me. Today and forever more, joyfully living, thriving, happy, thin and free. Profound gratitude fills me, today. One day, moment at time. I will remember, live, strive and thrive.
Making sense of my world I often draw in my journal. These are a series of entrys over the past few weeks. The top is today’s. It is a series of hearts. Yes, this may be avoidance behavior as I need to work on dissertation revisions. Life is lifey right now. While calm resides in me, loved ones are struggling. How to love, share, listen, resides deep within. My core is Jesus. Each day I begin simple with cleanse my heart, enable me to stand upright in your presence, guide my footsteps, my thoughts, actions. Enable me to honor You in all I say and do.
Jesus is my heart’s anchor.
Gratitudes, my list today is 9,081. Today’s include:
9073
Thank you for the rising sun.
9074
Thank you for the ability to walk with Gus and Cam.
9075
Thank you for being able to maintain my weight.
9076
Thank you for Life, I woke up this morning.
9077
Thank you for endurance. I was able to do thirty minute Yoga online class.
9078
Thank you for the hope of eternal life.
9079
Thank you for loving me.
9080
Thank you for forgiving my sins.You, my savior, are enough.
9081
Thank you for bringing to my rememberance all that I have.
Why are these simple gratitudes important? We are instructed over and over in God’s word to give thanks. One of my favorite quotes is: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thess 5:18. It is not always easy, yet essential to maintain a life of peace in the storm called life. In Max Lucado’s book, Anxious for Nothing, he states that worry refuses to share the heart with gratitude. One heartfelt thank you will suck the oxygen out of worry’s world. Ps. 19:14, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, Oh Lord my strength and my redeemer.” Phil 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” My anchor is Jesus, His words fill me, cleanse me. To His cross I cling, closer than ever. Today’s devotion, prayer.
The path to peace is paved with prayer.
Favorite verse of mine, Phil 4:6-7 (ESV), the inspiration for Max Lucado’s book. “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God,and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Prayer, a conversation with God, essential everyday, like oxygen, I cannot exist without it. Last week Saturday when I drew this heart, I had a specific prayer. It was simply, I really need to have a human conversation with a Godly friend. No sooner did I whisper this than a friend texted and invited me to stop over for coffee and a walk. This week to numerous to count, God has answered my prayers. some may call it coincidence. I believe He answers prayer. I believe God listens, answers, directs our path when we talk to Him, ask in His name, claim His promises, specifically, intentionally with faith believing ask. He is not a genie in a bottle, yet He is the dearest friend we could ever ask for. He walks with us, gives us strength through the highs and lows of each day, moment. So many times I whisper this prayer.
Ps. 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Never, ever am I let down. His will be done. I do not have to understand, He does. His peace fills me. Thanks God.
Some days are filled with tears. Life is hard.
Never ever will I lie, life just plain sucks sometimes. When my loved ones hurt so do I. The anguish rips me open, old wounds surface. I cry out to Him in anguish, He restores my soul. All I whisper is “Jesus”. He intercedes. I cannot pray, His words fill me, calm me. Your will be done. I believe in You. I will not give up.
God is our biggest strength. His will be done. I need You, Jesus. Every hour, every day, every minute.
May you find strength in your storm. While I do not have the answers, He does. He is one breath, one prayer away. I invite You to let Him in. Whisper His name, anchor Your heart to His, cling to His words, write them on the inside of Your heart. When the waters get rough, He calms the storm. Be blessed, be well.
Why am I a connoisseur of the good? Why is my gratitude list at 9014? Why do I drive to the lake everyday and run? Why do I have pictures of the heavens? When life is dark, why am I compelled to draw hearts and flowers, light? These were the questions that raced through my head as my eyes opened this am? God am I crazy? Life SUCKS right now for so many… I love you, fill me with You. Before my feet hit the floor I surrender my day, mind and heart. You are my breath, my core, my all in all. I do not know what today holds, yet I know You hold my hand. Together we got this thing called LIFE, boy, is it lifey right now.
So, Gus and I walk, God and I talk. There are no actual words, I am weary yet I look up. I see the sunrise, I feel the light penetrate my soul. Oh You are a good God. Coming inside I get my coffee, open my journal and write:
9009 Sun came up today, thanx God
9010 I woke up today, thanx God
9011 Gus and I were able to walk, thanx God
9012 My blueberry lava cake was fabulous, thanx God.
9013 I love You Jesus, All of me loves All of YOU. Thanx God.
9014 Thank you Jesus for showing me the WHY. pg 52 Anxious for Nothing, Max Lucado
Call me crazy, maybe I am. My heart is bursting with excitement as I celebrate today. In my office I have a quote, “Staying positive doesn’t mean things will turn out ok. Rather it is knowing you will be okay no matter how things turn out.” How do I know? I know the author and finisher of today. He is walking with me, talking with me, navigating my path with me. How? How?
Before I share how, let me tell you this, I have laid on my bathroom floor with all of the bottles of meds sitting around me. I have contemplated taking my life on more than one occasion. I have wrestled with depression, I have stared it in the eyes. I have drank, smoked, sexed, eaten my way through many days. Darkness is no stranger to me, I have lived there many a day. Not for awhile, but I know the depths of despair. I know what it is to lay on the ground wracked in sobs, lay in bed with pain in my chest feeling like death. But God, the psalmist states “If I ascend into the heavens, thou art there, if I make my bed in hell, thou art there (KJV).” He has lifted me out of my despair on more than one occasion, whispering his name, “Jesus,” has given me strength. His words flood my mind, eventually lifting off the ground, putting the meds back I would find my way to Him, life.
So the how, the magnificent, beautiful HOW, is simple. “Your word is a lamp unto my path, a light unto my path.” (Ps. 119:105) Many nights I lay in bed clutching my Bible, my only relief. I lay my head on it quoting His promises, over and over until relief came. I have learned to walk into the bookstore praying, asking for His guidance, lead me Father, show me the way. He always leads me to just the right book at just the right time.
I will say I no longer contemplate death, I no longer lay on my floor a puddled mass of despair. I have learned to live in gratitude, breathe in Jesus, breathe out despair, breathe in Jesus, breath out despair. He is my salvation, my savior, my all in all.
This morning was a moment of despair. I could have fed the beast of anxiety, depression but God… before my feet hit the ground I began my habit stack. Raising my hands to heaven I whispered, “Thank You God for today, I surrender my heart, my mind all to You. Fill me with You, enable me to honor You in all I say and do.” Making coffee I whispered, “Thank you Jesus for today. I love You with all of me.” Walking Gus I looked into the heavens, “Jesus, thank You for today, another breath, another moment. I love You.” I ate my breakfast breathing, “Thank You Jesus for this food, I have all I need to sustain me.” I opened His word, devoured His promises, did my Yoga, “Thanks God for Your words, they bring nourishment to my soul. Thank you for allowing my body to stretch, flex and move.”
Then I opened Max Lucado’s book Anxious for Nothing. On page 52 I read about the amygdalae (a-myg-dool). God placed these two almond shaped neural clusters inside my brain. They alert my body to danger, cause me to react before I even know why. They replenish themselves with dopamine and serotonin. They restore joy and peace within me. When Paul urged us to “rejoice in the Lord always” (Phil 4:4). He was instructing us in stress management. The simple act of gratitude restores our soul. He is the author of our days, creator of our universe. He knows our name, numbers the hairs on our head. Breathe in Jesus, breathe out anxiety. “He restores my soul, yea though I walk through the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me” (Ps. 23). Breathe in Jesus, breathe out anxiety.
Simple, not a chance. Attainable, one step at a time, absolutely. I have written out His promises, claim them, carry them with me, have slept with my arms wrapped around His Word, under my pillow. Depression has no hold on me, anxiety has lost its grip. Why? I have a savior. His name is Jesus, 9014 gratitudes, the list is ever growing. Look up, witness His handiwork. His glory is all around us, in us, alive and well. Count your many blessings, name them one by one.
The sunrise
I woke up
I am able to walk
Breath fills my lungs
Begin your list today, be changed forever, one gratitude at a time, breathe in Jesus, breathe out anxiety. It is a choice. I choose to be a connoisseur of the good, You?
He loves to ride in the car…. getting better at it. Took him awhile to get comfortable and discover the toy box. He made friends with the monkeys.Not so fond of the squeeker… took it out, he is a dog! lol getting comfy, showing his hound skills. It is a holiday after all… please stop working! Snuggle please….Blaah this computer….
DOG
Loves Unconditionally
Rejoices in me
Waits for me
Rests with me
Walks with me
Listens to my every word
Knows my heartbeat
My best friend
Companion
GOD
So thankful for Gus, getting to know him, falling in love. I do believe God made him just for me. Perfection. Heart full of profound gratitude. Love to all!
My Max is gone. He was with us from May 9, 2006 to April 30, 2021. What a beautiful gift from above. Here are his ashes and his final paw print. Oh the lessons learned from our dear Max. My first real pet, my guys first pet. My youngest was six when we got him, Eldest was 11. I was, well, younger than I am now. A recently divorced mother, first time single home owner. He made us better humans, taught us about unconditional love, oh the stories we have….
Never have I ever had to make the decision to put any animal down. This was the hardest decision I believe I have ever had to make. I circled it for sometime (maybe a bit to long) until it was apparent his quality of life was no more. I had begun a course called Bright Line Grit where I learned to examine the different parts of me, enabling me to lovingly embrace the part of me that protects me from harm. In this examination I saw how letting go of Max was good for him and I would be ok.
When making the decision to euthanize Max I found a mobile vet who would come to our home, allowing us to say our goodbyes there. While painful, it was best. Both guys came home, Max was surrounded by love. These wonderful humans laid on the floor beside him, held his paws and when he took his final breath, he knew he was loved. This was our first time with death up close. I will never forget that final inhalation and exhalation, while peaceful, the finality of it was palable. Letting go sucks, knowing we will see him again is our hope.
Final paw print and ashes…. doctor delivered to my door a week after and made his print on site. Always thought people were weirdos who had these, I get it now.
Max and Cam running free at dog park. This is how I envision him in heaven.
Yeah he wasn’t too much into the dog clothes, but was a sport and let us dress him. Then wrestled it off and beat it up!
His happy place…. our yard, digging holes!
Bud, bros, ohhhh how they played… until he didn’t….
Car Rides the best.. he loved them…
Gus
I thought I would never want another dog, when Max’s ashes were delivered and Cam (grandpup, Max’s buddy) visited for the weekend, I knew it was time. The house was so quiet, boys are grown, Max is gone.. Coming home after work was just hard. After many conversations with my guys and God, it was time. Max had taught me to love, filled our house with joy and I felt the nudge to visit the Humane Society.
So I visted the site and talked to God. On Tuesday when it opened over lunch I looked at site and put my name on list. Whispering a prayer, “Your will be done, if it is meant to be it will be.” I had work, oil change and was not free until 5:40pm. If I was invited in I would know it was a sign.
At exactly 5:40 I got a text saying to head to the Humane society I was sixth in line. They closed at 7:00. So I called my eldest and we headed that way. When I got there I walked through and found “Hot Tamale” oh he was a love. Those eyes, paws called to me. Someone else had claimed him, but I was in love. So I thought well God, “Your will be done.” I met with the adoption counselor, right before I met the couple who were interested in Hot Tamale. They had waited six hours at the shelter and had put their dog of fourteen years down the day before. They were a mess, I could relate. I listened to their story, told them I was in love with Hot Tamale too. My counselor put my name behind theirs, “just in case.”
Long story short. He came home with me, one week ago today. While he is a Hot Tamale, I call him Gus. He answers and it seems more him….
My son took this picture of me and sent it to me later….
Gus
He loves his animals…
My son’s pic from first night at home… thanks God and Max. I know you are looking down with love.
Wrote this when Max was younger. Read it from the top to bottom then bottom to top. Dog is God spelled backwards as one of my students told me as he prayed daily for a dog.
Thanks God, for meditations, Your words, love and guidance. This helps me, may help you. Know how amazing you are. Fearfully and wonderfully made, today and always. When I read this I hear Monique Rhodes. I wrote this after a run, where I sat and listened to her guided meditation, words are inspired by her (Bright Line Grit meditation series).
One run a day, one park a day, friends, sons, dogs, reading, bright line eating, yoga, blessed beyond measure. This was my Spring Break, simple, beautiful. Thanks God.
Now every weekend living Spring Break until summer… ahhhhh life is good. Work hard, play hard, self care essentials in living this life.
Wrote this awile ago, April 12 to be exact. Today revisiting, reliving as the weekend was marvelous. Filled with runs, walks, dinner with son and friends, simple, restorative, thanks God. May your days be filled with simplicity, love and equanimity. Love to all!
First out door run of season. Due to cold, ice and my wimpiness I have chosen to run indoors on the elliptical for the winter months. Every day thirty minutes in the evening for my mental and physical health. Today was big for me, back to my last summer’s walking/running/transformational path.
As I ran I was aware of every fiber of my being. My playlist was extraordinary, weather cool and crisp. Not many other walkers/runners braving the cold. I had to snap pictures as I ran. In my head I kept thinking last year I couldn’t run. Running with a full heart, tears brimming my eyes. Last year I was 83 lbs heavier, walking was difficult. I kept thinking surely I will have to walk. I didn’t not only was I able to run my path from last summer I was able to run the beach, down to the clubhouse where the boats were not docked yet. Last year I could barely make it around the block. I was prediabetic, boarderline high blood pressure and cholesteral. At my August visit I had cut my numbers in half. Not one pill is being taken for any of these ailments, today or in the future. Thanks God.
What a difference a year makes. Thanks God, just thanks. I still have 6.8 lbs to go to reach my goal (release of 90 lbs). I am doing it, slowly but surely I am releasing physical and psychological weight. My life is forever transformed, each step, breath, moment a gift. My heart is filled with profound gratitude for all that is. Each struggle, victory, sunrise and sunset. Each one a little brighter. I am here, life is good. Love to all! May you know the power of transformation, it is there, a breath away. Reach out and grab hold, YOU got this!
literacyfern.com 