My Jeans….

May not be a big deal for a lot of humans, for me the picture of me in these jeans is monumental. A little background. I was raised in Apostolic Pentecostalism. This is a very strict fundamentalist religion. As a female, child in this walk I was unable to wear pants as they were identified as “men’s clothing” with a lot of other rules as part of the “holiness standards”. I married at twenty one, became a mother at twenty five. My marriage, dating was unhealthy and we divorced when I was thirtyfour. While unhealthy, the blessing is my two wonderful sons. They are a gift, so living with no regrets. My core is God fearing, loving. I do not wish to cast blame or harm on this church or group, just sharing me, my experience giving background on the significance of this monumental “jean” moment.

The monumentalism of these jeans has been in the forefront of my mind the closer I have come to fitting into them. Since June, 2020 I have been on a journey releasing physical weight on Brightline Eating, in doing so I have begun examing different parts of me. This has been done through the readings of Boundaries for Your Soul; Cook, Miller, 2018 and currently Atomic Habits, Clear, 2018. These jeans were purchased in 2004, when I got into my right sized body for the first time in years, confronting issues within my marriage, standing up for myself and leaving my marriage.

In 2011 I was able to fit into these jeans again. I got into my right sized body, feeling my best for the first time since my divorce. I fell off a horse while riding with a friend and my youngest, broke my humerus, went through surgery, gaining all of my weight back yet obtaining my master’s degree, beginning the Phd journey.

What is a thought is that each of these shifts occurred first with return to my right sized body. While the scale is an indicator, these jeans represent my benchmark. When I fit into them I feel like I have come home, find myself, am empowered. Silly right? Until you read and begin to understand keystone behaviors or atomic habits how these shifts occur when we shift/change keystone/atomic habits.

In releasing my fifty-nine point six pounds people often ask me why it has happened now? What is the secret? Not knowing I have begun to research, seeking answers. What I have found, will continue to learn about is the shift of my keystone behaviors. I have shifted/changed these habits, thus shifting my paradigm. The evidence is going from a size fourteen, sixteen to a size six,eight, transformation of my house, work on the completions of my Phd, to name a few.

Moving forward I will continue to learn about this topic. It is fascinating to me. I also feel compelled to sustain this transformation. At each major shift in my life I have found empowerment when finding/returning to my right sized body, my jeans. My question becomes what will occur when I maintain/sustain this change? I am excited to find out. Feeling profound gratitude for this journey, learning and growing.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from you, thoughts and insights… Love to all!