Hmmmm…..

Every Laugh and good time that comes my way feels ten times better than before I knew such sadness. 

Once outside, I quicken my step as I head to my car. I have patients to see at the office, people like me, all of us trying our best to get out of our own ways. The light on the corner is about to change so I run to catch it, but then I notice the warmth on my skin and I stop at the curb, tilting my face to the sun, soaking it in, lifting my eyes to the world.

Actually, I’ve got plenty of time.

Taken from, Maybe you should talk to someone, Lori Gottlieb, 2019.

This is a smart book. As I read it this was my thought. It was a slow read for me as I felt I had to read and reflect. Half way through I abandoned it for a while. I abandoned it at the beginning of the pandemic, I felt it was too much. I needed to read some lighter books. 

Then I went to return it to the library, found I could not, picked it up a day ago and did not put it down. Something about the scenario, therapy sessions drew me in. I found the characters more relatable, somehow it all made sense. The levels of grief. How often we laugh first not knowing what we are laughing at then cry, adapt and find meaning in our experiences. So much of it is related to the era we are living in, how we are grieving our norms, first yes I did laugh, thought this was a joke. Cry, yes I have cried. Some days more than others. I am at peace with the emotional waves that flood my being moving through this new norm. Somehow this novel gave clarity to my days, permission to grapple with and forgive myself for the emotional rollercoaster I find myself on. The characters, struggles and work they did to move through their circumstances enabled me to reflect, find ways to accept how I have moved through this time. Sometimes, yes, I do need to get out of my way, breathe, acknowledge the challenges, giving permission for lack of productivity, binging on Netflix, eating my way through the day. I have plenty of time to get it right. I lift my face to the sun, soak it in, lifting my eyes to the world. It is full of new challenges every day. 

Maybe you want to read this book, maybe you don’t. May you find what speaks to you, connects and feeds your soul, allowing you to make sense of this craziness. My mom said when we get to the other side of this pandemic we want to be better than when we entered it. As we reach the other side I believe we will find every joy, hug, social interaction and good time that comes our way feels ten times better than before we knew such sadness, isolation, grief. 

What is enabling you to move through this time? For me it varies, today this book made sense. May you find what works for you. Somehow while we are all so different we are all so similar, each grappling to make sense of this new norm.